The Zoo

 

Welcome to our home. Technically, it is the Hong Kong Zoological and Botanical Gardens but we just call it the zoo.

 

By the way, let me introduce myself. I'm Philippe, originally from Madagascar, and a ring-tailed lemur.

 

 

There are quite a few of us here - although I'm the only one to greet visitors, the others are usually stuffing their faces. See what I mean?

 

 

 Honestly, it's quite rude, you'd think they hadn't eaten for ages. The worst of them is Marcel, he's overweight, probably has sky-high cholesterol and has never exercised in his life. I tell you...he's disgusting.

 



Not that the tamarins and monkeys are much better. They shriek and run about like their bottoms are on fire but do they pose and sit prettily so you can take photographs? Do they heck! Badly behaved is the only way to describe them. They deserve to be behind bars.

You think this one is posing? Not a bit of it - he's teasing; just when you get your camera focused he's going to do a backward flip and tear off to the back of the cage - and shake his bottom at you! No upbringing I tell you, his parents clearly failed to discipline him when he was growing up back in Brazil.

Mind you, there are only 70 of us mammal here; lemurs, monkeys, sloths, tamarins, raccoons and the big boys, orang-utans and gibbons. There are four times as many birds, about 300 species in total they tell me, so you might be forgiven for thinking they were better-behaved, quiet and respectful.

Not a bit of it. I'm not surprised that the reptiles, especially the tortoises, spend much of their time sleeping and have never run for a bus in their lives.

But the birds...well, honestly, sometimes I find it hard to tell if they are alive or not. They just stand there or perch like stone statues. Lifeless. Dead as a dodo. I know human performers do the same thing in squares and people are impressed, they give them donations. Maybe that's where the birds got the idea?

'Hey Philippe, that's not fair!'

What do you mean parrot-face?

'First, I'm a macaw and not a parrot. Second, you're unfairly tarring all us birds with the same brush. Many of us are really active, preening and trying to look good so we photograph well. We also pose and try to be photogenic...

What? What?

Preen, pose? Rubbish! Just because you've got nits and go scratching yourselves all day don't try and pretend you're making yourselves pretty for the photographers. And don't try and tell me you birds are active - just look at the flamingos.

Active? They're too lazy to use two legs for standing half the time! Case closed!!!